Last night, I stepped on the scale for the first time in months. I think the last time I stepped on the scale was in November when I was doing the whole 30/Paleo challenge. By the way, we loved the Paleo diet and thought it was easy and satisfying. We ran into a bit of a financial issue though and realized the diet was just a bit too expensive for us to continue.
I’m not even going to tell you how sad that made me. I just found it really easy to lose weight on the Paleo diet and I actually enjoyed the food. And I was so hopeful that by doing the Paleo diet I would not only look better and feel better, but have a rainbow baby in my arms. And I was hopeful that it would help my husband with his restless leg syndrome and knee pain. He has a lot of trouble sleeping at night because of his leg problems and I just really wanted to see if the Paleo diet would help relieve some of his problems.
I totally could have lost weight and still had healthy food without doing the Paleo diet, but I struggle with self-control and the meals that I’ve been cooking over the last several months to save money have just been so incredibly boring and not exciting at all, which has led to snacking on junk.
All this to say, while I was unable to do the Paleo diet, it was no excuse to eat unhealthy foods and not take care of my body.
So last night, I bit the bullet and stepped on the scale to get a hard dose of reality.
It was brutal.
And at this rate, if I don’t make a change quickly, I feel like I’m going to end up getting sick or have a heart attack. I’m not even kidding.
I can’t believe I’ve let it get this bad and go this far. I don’t want to put all the blame on depression because I’ve had years of unhealthy habits to make me this way, but in the last year, I feel like my weight has just really skyrocketed and I believe that is partly because a huge part of me has just not had the energy to care. It almost feels like every time I try to make a change and make my life better, something goes wrong again, and I fall all over again.
Last year, for instance, I started eating healthier and working out every day. I was doing an hour on the elliptical every day and really enjoying myself. And then in September, I got pregnant for a 4th time, and miscarried for a 4th time.
And I should have continued to work out anyways, but I didn’t.
I did the opposite of what this verse tells you to do, “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
I gave up. For months, I just gave up on life. I’ve let all the hits that the Devil has thrown my way knock me down and I’ve given up and settled for the path of least resistance.
I’ve sat around feeling sad and defeated forgetting that my Savior Jesus, died on the cross, and overcame the grave for me. “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I’m a believer. I have the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. There is power in the name of Jesus and if I can take hold of that which has been given to me, than I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
When a diet is too expensive, should I give up?
No! I should get more creative and find ways to eat healthier on a budget.
When I get a negative pregnancy test, should I give up?
No! I should keep working hard and believe that God will not forget me.
When the job I was excited for doesn’t work out, should I give up?
No! I should take joy in a different path and trust that God will provide.
When we struggle with getting out of debt, should I give up?
No! I should remind myself that with prayer, discipline, and persistence, our efforts will pay off one day.
Now I will give myself some grace right now to say that I haven’t been a total failure. There have been a lot of things that I have overcome in my life and most recently in my journey through recurrent miscarriage and infertility. There have been amazing things that I’ve been able to accomplish and do that I would have never dreamed of doing.
But what I need to do now is remind myself of what I have been able to accomplish through faith and work hard to defeat these obstacles currently standing in my way.
Standing on the scale was a wake up call that I desperately needed. A wake up call to remind me that I’m wasting my life and if I’m not careful, I might not have a life to keep living.
One of my life goals is to meet God in Heaven and hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Disclaimer: I believe that I am saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone and his death on the cross and resurrection from the dead. But I believe that each believer will be rewarded in Heaven for the things done on earth. Not that anything we could ever do could earn our salvation, but that we were created in Christ Jesus for good works. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:8-10
I don’t want to waste my life and let depression and all of the losses I’ve had win. I want to be victorious. I want to overcome by God’s grace. I want to see redemption and miracles happen in my life. I want to see that there is more to life than loss and heartache.
And I believe that God wants that for me too.
I woke up this morning with a plan in place and determination in my step. I made some eggs with apple slices for breakfast and then headed to the store with my grocery list and meal plan in place.
To save money, I have a few creative things that I will be doing.
First, my husband will not be eating the same food as me. He will still be eating healthy food, but it will be a lot cheaper than my food as I won’t have to cook gluten free for him. Once we have some debt paid off, hopefully he can get on the same diet as me, but in the mean time, this will allow me some room in the budget for my diet.
Secondly, I’m doing a form of the Paleo diet, if you will in that most of the diet is Paleo, but I will be supplementing a few non-Paleo items. For instance, most mornings I will be eating eggs, vegetables and a little fruit, but a few mornings a week, I will save money by eating homemade gluten free oatmeal with frozen blueberries. For my dinners I will switch between a side of sweet potato bites (I’ll share recipes in the future) and brown rice. When I am able to I will also have fresh steamed vegetables as a side, but to help budget wise, I’m also going to have frozen vegetables cooked on the stove top. I don’t know about you all, but produce seems to add up pretty quickly for me and purchasing my produce from the freezer section every now and then is a big money saver.
Thirdly, don’t get mad at me now because I have no choice and I wish I did but I will not be eating organic food. I know, you have a huge desire right now to tell me how awful that is. Please refrain from doing so. When we are able to eat organic food, we will gladly do so. If you are able to do so, be thankful and appreciate that blessing, but don’t look down on others because they struggle to do so.
We will also add more to our grocery budget by saving in other areas. Like today, I have the air conditioning up really high. This one sucks during the summer time in Texas. Really sucks. But, you make do and chug ice water all day long and turn on some fans.
On top of eating healthier and cutting out all sugar and junk food, I’m also going to start working out for an hour every day and work on being more disciplined by having a daily schedule planned out so that I’m not sitting around like a slob doing nothing.
I started day 1 today and woke up determined to start off on the right foot. I cooked breakfast for me and my husband: eggs and fruit. Then I did my hair and put on make up, put my grocery list together and headed to the store. When I got home, I put my whole chicken in the crock pot to cook for salads for the week and made my homemade salad dressing. For lunch I had sandwich stuff leftover from the previous week, just because my salad ingredients weren’t ready yet. When it cooled down in the evening we took our dogs to the dog park and then afterwards headed to the gym for a quick 30 minute work out. I wanted to do a full hour, 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of strength training, but after 30 minutes on the elliptical I was starving and felt like I was going to pass out. I told myself not to overdo it and to remember to take baby steps, and we headed home to make dinner. For dinner, I made baked chicken thighs in the oven, a side of brown rice for me (baked potato for my husband) and sugar snap peas. It was delicious! The kitchen was a mess so I got that cleaned up and then de-boned my whole chicken. After I cooked the chicken in the crock pot, I put it into storage containers for my salads for the week and then placed the bones and skin back into the crock pot and added water. I’ll let this cook overnight and then strain it in the morning for homemade chicken broth.
I feel exhausted after all of the grocery shopping, kitchen prep, cooking and cleaning, but I feel accomplished and happy.
It’s time to kick depression and all of the sad things that have happened to me to the curb. It’s about time I move on to bigger and better things!
Blessings to you all,