My Dearest Abiygale

My Dearest Abiygale,

June 10, 2011 was the best day of my life, the day that I found out I was pregnant for the first time with you my sweet little girl.  My heart filled with joy at the thought of your beautiful soul growing within me.  I instantly felt different: in love, protective, hopeful, filled with wonder and dreams for what you would become.  Your daddy cried tears of happiness when it started to sink in that you were growing in mommy’s belly.  You were a dream come true, a miracle in the making.  Though your life was cut short far too early and you were too perfect for this fallen world we live in, I believe that you still live, and that you live abundantly in the arms of my Savior Jesus.  I believe that your life is a miracle, and that through your memory, big and beautiful things will be done.  Your life is precious to God and He is going to use the short time you had here with mommy and daddy to save so many people, I believe that with all of my heart.

I have already had the pleasure of seeing God use your perfect life to help others and I’m humbled to be the mother He chose to be a part of His plan.  I miss you every day and often wonder what life would be like if today, on what should be your second birthday, we had you here with us.  What kind of party would we throw for you? Would we have held you in our arms through worship this morning or let you enjoy the other toddlers in the nursery? Who all would be here to celebrate your precious life with us as mommy and daddy smile at you while singing, “Happy birthday, dear Abiygale, happy birthday to you.”  What kind of gifts would you open? What bed time stories would I read you at night? Who would be your favorite bible character and what would be your favorite story? There are so many dreams that I had for your life and when I lost you, it seemed all hope was gone, and there was no more dreams to dream.

But on your second birthday, my dear sweet Abiygale, I still dream of you and what you might be doing in Heaven today.  I dream of you running through the fields playing with your brothers and sisters, Hope, Faith, Matthew, and Grayson.  I dream of you laughing and petting my beloved fur babies, Sweetpea, Pebbles, and Buttercup.  Give them a kiss for mommy today.  Oh how I miss them so.  I dream of you sitting in God’s lap as he sings you happy birthday with a chorus of beautiful angels.  I dream of God telling you a story today of the miracles He performed throughout history and shows you the beauty of His creation in full display.  I dream of the saints who surround you today and celebrate the joy of your special life.

I dream of what God has done thus far, through the beauty of your short life.  You led us to Compassion and we sponsored a little girl named Maria Abigail in your memory.  I dream of what these letters will mean to her and to her family.  I dream of the hope that this provides.  What a special gift God has given us, to love a child in need of the hope your life inspired.  I dream of what she will grow up to do. I dream of the hope she will bring to her family through an education and through the loving support of her school and mentors.  I dream of the struggles she will overcome and I dream of the poverty she will defeat.  I dream that she will believe in Jesus and trust Him as her Savior.  I dream that she will share this same hope with many others, and that your name, dear Abiygale, will live on as Christ is multiplied through one heart at a time.

I dream of all the mommy’s in the world with empty arms, who will be inspired by the hope of a mommy missing her baby girl. I dream of what God will do to help them through the ache of a loss from within.

I dream of all the things that God will do because of your short life to help a world in need of love, grace, hope, and life.

You, my sweet baby girl, inspire mommy to live life to the fullest and to share God’s love with others.  Because you were created, God gave me a heart for the hurting.  Though it hurts at times to keep moving forward, I believe that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength and I have faith that I will hold you in my arms, someday, in the perfect place.

I dream of the day when I breathe my last breath and make it home to the place prepared for me.  I dream of you and so many others I’m longing to see again.  I dream of the beauty of knowing, we’ll never be apart again.  I dream of meeting my God and my Savior, and holding you next to me as I sing Him praises throughout the rest of time.  I dream of the tears He will wipe from my eyes, as I watch Him destroy evil once and for all.  I dream of the world filled with His presence, where you and I can live forever and all dreams will finally come true.

For now dear Abiygale, I can only dream, but it is this hope that carries me forward, knowing I will someday see you face to face and all my sorrow will be wiped away.

I love you forever darling girl,

Mommy

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11 thoughts on “My Dearest Abiygale

  1. Makeup ruined.
    This is so beautiful Amber! I saw that you officially decided on Grayson. I love it. Abiygale was there to welcome him I am sure of it. I believe all of these things that you wrote. Praise God for His promises.

  2. Thinking of your sweet angel Abiygale. Their birthdays are always so hard because we miss them so much, but our babies are angels in heaven together and we will see them again. I have no doubt of that either. Lots of hugs hon <3

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