What a weird title for a RPL mom and for someone who’s currently on a TTC break. But you read it right – cloth diapers. I just ordered three cloth diapers for my future diaper stash!
Along time ago, back in 2011, when I was pregnant with Matthew, I ordered two cloth diapers from a company that was having an awesome discount on this particular brand of diapers. Of course I lost him and then my diapers arrived and it was the most heartbreaking thing to tuck those diapers back in the pretty wrapping and put them in a hidden corner in my closet. It was an odd sadness of feeling both devastated that I wouldn’t be putting him in those diapers that I ordered specifically for him as well as feeling hopeless with doubts and questions for the future. Will these diapers sit in my closet never to be used?
I debated in my mind on even keeping the diapers. In the bitterness of the loss, I wanted to toss them in the trash and not be reminded of the loss. But a little voice in my head said that maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll use these diapers for my rainbow baby.
I get emails all the time from the cloth diaper company that I ordered these two diapers from with clearance items and sales. Most of the time, I just delete them. Sometimes I’ll look and think about how cute the diapers are and wish I could order one to start my stash. But then the realistic part of me takes over and says, “You have debt to be paying off first. And you should wait until you actually have a baby on the way.”
But today, I clicked on the email and browsed the items. The diapers that were on sale, with free shipping were not only a good price, but really cute. I left my shopping window open and went out this morning with my husband to run some errands (he has a weird work schedule today). I asked him what he thought about me starting to build our diaper stash, paying attention to special diaper sales. I figured he would say no because we want to focus all of our efforts on becoming debt free, but in a total surprise he encouraged me to start working on our stash and said that he would be fine with me getting a few things here and there when there is a special deal going on.
I came home and got to work on my decision making. I can’t even believe I just ordered three diapers! This is not like me, but it was SO FUN! I can’t wait until they arrive so I can look at them and dream about the future. And I’m going to take a cue from some of my good blogging friends and go as far as to pray over these diapers and the little ones that will wear them.
I ordered this Kawaii One-Size diaper cover in light blue. If you aren’t familiar with cloth diapers, one size diapers can be adjusted to fit a baby at a small size through the toddler years (from small to medium to large). And a diaper cover is used with pre-folds or fitted diapers, which are a more frugal diapering option. I plan to mostly use pre-fold diapers with diaper covers to save money, but I will have the easier diapers for the times when someone else is caring for my baby, or for when my husband does a diaper change.
The next two diapers will be more “husband user-friendly”. I ordered the Kawaii pocket diapers in light blue and “comfy baby” which is a light yellow striped fabric. This is not a one size diaper, so it will only fit the baby from newborn to about 15 months. This diaper is more similar to a disposable diaper. When I do the laundry, I will stuff the diapers so that they are ready to just easily place on the baby, just like a normal disposable diaper.
From what I’ve read and listened to online for the last 4 years, it’s very important that you don’t purchase one brand and style of cloth diaper for your entire diaper stash. In the same way that my favorite brand and style of jeans might not work out well for another woman, cloth diapers will also work differently based on each baby and their particular size and needs.
So where I might think I would be saving money by purchasing all “one size” diapers to fit from birth to toddlerhood, I would probably quickly learn it was a mistake. So my plan is to slowly build my diaper stash, paying attention to sales and clearance items every so often so that I can have a variety of options by the time we finally have our baby.
I probably won’t be purchasing any more diapers for awhile, because my biggest focus is obviously still getting out of debt, but I am excited for this more hopeful step I’ve taken. I’ve been having a rough few days lately, remembering our first baby Abiygale and thinking about how she should be turning 3 next month. I was even watching someone’s video on YouTube the other day who talked about her birth after infertility and I started to panic thinking about all of the things that could go wrong.
And then I read this post from Elisha and Waiting for Baby Bird. I cried, hopeful tears. It was just what I needed. A beautiful reminder of truth to not focus on the chair legs of infertility and loss, but to focus instead on my amazing God and the truth of His word and His promises which are still for us today. I love that girl! She is a blessing and encouragement to so many and I can’t wait for the day when I read that baby Josiah, her promised child, is on his way to this world. Love you sweet friend!
4 years ago in January, the month before we got married actually, I had my second laparoscopic surgery. My first surgery in 2009, was to remove an ovarian cyst. I was diagnosed with endometriosis at the time and fell in despair worrying about infertility. But during my second surgery, the doctor removed a septum and discovered that I no longer had endometriosis. It was a miracle and a miracle that I didn’t even know was possible. Years of painful periods and finally I was healed. I didn’t believe it, but after having normal periods month after month over the next few years, it started to sink in that God had really done this for me. I can remember being so sick every single month and throwing up and passing out from the pain of my periods. Every month when I don’t get sick like that and just have normal, minor cramps, I always remember what it was like and feel so completely grateful to not suffer like that any longer.
I know that God healing me of this disease only to go on to miscarry 5 times might seem weird, but to me, I believe that He is working all things out for good and someday I’ll truly understand His will. But for now, the first part of my healing, the healing from endometriosis, gives me hope and reminds me that God can do all things. He healed me once, and He can heal me again in His perfect timing.
And I don’t believe for one second that these diapers will sit in my closet unused. These diapers are going to be prayed over and God will not waste these diapers ordered with faith and hope. I believe they will be used for my miracle(s), but who knows, maybe they will be used in ways I can’t even imagine. Perhaps we will be able to foster children or even adopt. Whatever God’s will is, I’m believing in faith that these diapers are going to be a blessing for our family!
Have hope my friends! The plan might not look like what we dreamed it would, but with God, it will be a beautiful unfolding, I can promise that!